Brexit: Dear Brits, please LEAVE ALREADY! German political comedy “heute show” (English subtitles)

Brexit: Dear Brits, please LEAVE ALREADY! German political comedy “heute show” (English subtitles)


Dear viewers, once again we have a very memorable Brexit week behind us. An endless rain-check. All Europe is asking itself in the meantime,
when will they get down to business, these Indecisive Brits. It’s unbelievable. The House of Commons takes three days – are we still getting over the picture? – the House of Commons takes three days to say yet AGAIN that it doesn’t want Theresa May’s deal with the EU, but that it also doesn’t want no deal. Just say for once what you do want. For real this time,
how long should this funny “departure” still take? “Perhaps we will then not leave the EU for months after that, or perhaps we don’t have the protection any more, or perhaps we will never leave.” Ahhh! So the exit is being postponed. But why? Why? And how many defeats must May bank before finally resigning,
after all these humiliations? This is almost becoming Sado-Masochism,
ladies and gentlemen, really. Yes. Next Tuesday, for the third time, the same English politicians
will discuss the same deal with the same arguments. This isn’t a parliament, if you ask me,
it’s a dementia clinic. Honestly now. What is there to say to people like Boris Johnson now? That is, why can’t we make a win-win situation out of this mess. I said, “Dear Boris, I would if I could.” Yes, yes. I would, but it doesn’t work, no? It doesn’t work. And even with a second referendum,
the whole thing would start again from the beginning. And what if the idiots win again? Yes, the idiots usually win. They are in the majority nearly everywhere. These English seem to me like a party guest… “So guys, I’m off!” …who has said goodbye over an hour ago and just doesn’t understand that really,
EVERYONE wants him to just get lost. The old rule: there’s nothing more annoying than people
who have no sense of WHEN it’s all over. “I want to stay in the single market. But of course, without staying in the single market!” For sure, there’s a lot at stake. 1.2 trillion dollars have already been extracted from the island
by banks and hedge funds, and Brexit hasn’t even happened yet. I believe that many English people haven’t yet understood the consequences. Others are at least trying to help. Extra shifts are being worked at the sweets manufacturer Katjes on the Lower Rhine, sending as much liquorice and fruit gums to Britain as possible. The reason: they are preparing for the worst.” Mmh. I don’t want to picture what would happen when the whole of Britain’s Fred Ferkel supply would break down, ladies and gentlemen. And you mustn’t forget who financed the entire leave campaign, the battle for fish and cheerio. It was British billionaires who wanted to
make England a tax haven after Brexit. That’s what it’s about, not patriotism. People like James Ratcliffe, the richest man in England, love their country, but not enough to stay there THEMSELVES. Prominent Brexit supporter is moving his place of residence to Monaco. This could deprive the homeland he apparently loves
so much of up to 4 billion pounds in taxes.” “James Dyson is a Brexit supporter. By moving to Singapore, Dyson claims he
wants to concentrate on the growing Asian markets.” Yes, I believe that straight away, indeed. Pull the plug on the island and then piss off yourself. Of course, what we’re talking about here are delusions. It’s a fact. Many Brexit supporters don’t want the backstop solution for Ireland because they are worried that the nasty EU
will then keep them in the single market forever. Nobody wants that. Here… Dear friends from across the channel: don’t worry.
We are going to let you go, for real. There are so many reasons for you to stay, but I can’t think of a single one. You have only cost the EU money and are rather too lazy to work. Jamas! Best wishes from Greece! Yes, or, dear Brits, as we would say in East German… “Piss off!” Yes, a bit hard. They are taking all Europe hostage! Now, for everyone who is having trouble
meanwhile understanding our beloved Mallorca neighbours, here is a little extra tutoring for you. Exactly, nobody understands these English people. The triple negative. They aren’t all there. Well, I wouldn’t kick him out of the bed… “The head of CDU has encouraged the idea of building a shared European aircraft carrier together with France.” Germany builds an aircraft carrier… Oh come on… Cheers! Tina Hausten, ladies and gentlemen, many thanks!