Side Effects Of Being Presidential Include Drowsiness, Sexism

Side Effects Of Being Presidential Include Drowsiness, Sexism


YESTERDAY, THEY HELD PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES IN FIVE
STATES IN WHAT SOME ARE CALLING SUPER TUESDAY 4 AND WHAT WE’LL
EVENTUALLY CALL DAY ONE YEAR ZERO OF THE BEFORE TRUMP TIMES. THIS IS “THE ROAD TO THE WHITE
HOUSE.”>>I LOVE TO HEAR BABIES CRY. ♪ ♪ ♪
>>Stephen: NOW, ON THE DEMOCRATIC SIDE YESTERDAY, IT
WAS A HUGE NIGHT FOR HILLARY CLINTON, WHO WON FOUR OUT OF
FIVE STATES, THOUGH BERNIE SANDERS DID CLINCH RHODE ISLAND,
THE PARTICIPATION TROPHY OF PRIMARY CAUCUSES. HEY, BUDDY! HEY, BUDDY! IT’S NOT ABOUT WHO WINS WANT
NOMINATION AS LONG AS YOU HAD FUN OUT THERE. HAVE AN ORANGE SLICE. THE WORD IS THESE LOSSES HAVE
FORCED SANDERS TO REASSESS HIS CAMPAIGN AND LAY OFF HUNDREDS OF
STAFF MEMBERS. SO IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR
SUPPORTERS TO STOP FEELING THE BERN AND JUST HEAD FOR THE
HILLS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) NOW ON THE REPUBLICAN SIDE–
DONALD TRUMP SWEPT ALL FIVE STATES AND PICKED UP SO MANY
DELEGATES THAT IT’S LOOKING MORE THAN EVER LIKE THIS FALL, THE
CHOICE WILL BE BETWEEN HILLARY CLINTON AND DONALD TRUMP, THE
MATCH-UP AMERICA DID SOMETHING TO DESERVE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) I DON’T KNOW WHAT. I’M SO SORRY. SO– SO SORRY. AND TRUMP HAS ALREADY STARTED
GOING AFTER CLINTON.>>THE ONLY THING SHE’S GOT
GOING IS THE WOMAN CARD. WITHOUT THE WOMAN CARD, SHE’S
GOT NOTHING GOING. SHE’S PLAYING THE WOMAN’S CARD,
AND IT’S LIKE GIVE ME A BREAK. YOU KNOW THE ONLY THING SHE’S
GOT IS IT THE WOMAN CARD. THAT’S ALL SHE’S GOT. YOU KNOW, IT’S A WEAK CARD IN
HER HAND. IN ANOTHER PERSON’S HANDS IT
COULD BE A VERY POWERFUL CARD.>>Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, IF YOU
PUT THAT WOMAN’S CARD IN A MAN’S HAND, THAT WOULD BE VERY
POWERFUL. ALSO, IT WOULD KEEP YOU OUT OF A
BATHROOM IN NORTH CAROLINA. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND JUST LISTEN TO WHAT TRUMP CLAIMS THIS WOMAN’S CARD
ENTITLES CLINTON TO.>>WELL, I THINK THE ONLY CARD
SHE HAS IS THE WOMAN’S CARD. SHE’S GOT NOTHING ELSE GOING. AND, FRANKLY, IF HILLARY CLINTON
WERE A MAN, I DON’T THINK SHE’D GET 5% OF THE VOTE.>>Stephen: YEAH. CAN YOU IMAGINE ELECTING A MAN
NAMED CLINTON? COME ON. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) AND DONALD, AND DONALD CAN SAY
ALL THIS PAUSE HE’S PLAYING SOMETHING CALLED THE MAN CARD. OKAY. ALL OF US GUYS GET ONE OF THESE,
OKAY. THEY’RE GREAT. GET YOU PAID MORE. ALLOWS YOU TO EXPLAIN THINGS TO
WOMEN ABOUT WOMEN. ( LAUGHTER )
AND AS A WHITE MAN, MINE’S ALSO A “GET OUT OF JAIL FREE” CARD. ( APPLAUSE )
AND SAY– ( APPLAUSE )
AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT ABOUT TRUMP– AND I DO FREQUENTLY–
AFTER CELEBRATING ALL LAST NIGHT, HE WAS RIGHT BACK IN
CAMPAIGN MODE AT THE CRACK OF DAWN TODAY. HE CALLED INTO ALL THE MORNING
SHOWS– “FOX AND FRIENDS,” “GOOD MORNING AMERICA” CNN “NEW DAY”
“MORNING JOE,” “DORRA THE EXPLORER.” IT DID GET A LITTLE AWKWARD WHEN
HE SAID BOOTS SHOULD BE DEPORTED. ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, TRUMP HAS BEEN REY SIFTING FREQUENT CALLS TO CHANGE THE THE
TONE OF HIS PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN, BUT THIS MORNING WE
HEARD A DIFFERENT DONALD TRUMP.>>SOUND PRESIDENTIAL FOR US.>>I GET MORE AND MORE
PRESIDENTIAL AS I HAVE VICTORIES, ABSOLUTELY.>>SOUNDS LIKE HE’S LYING IN
BED.>>WHAT DO YOU MEAN?>>NO, I’M NOT. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: NO. NO, I’M NOT. I’M NOT LYING ON THE BED. I’M SITTING ON THE TOILET. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) FABULOUS.( CHEERS )
IT’S FABULOUS.
DONALD TRUMP JUST SHOWED US
EXACTLY HOW HE’D SOUND AS PRESIDENT WHEN HE GETS THAT 3:00
A.M. PHONE CALL. “WHAT? A BOMB? BUILD A WALL AROUND IT. MAKE THE TERRORISTS PAY FOR IT. I GOTTA PEE.” AND THIS, ALL THIS WAS AFTER HE
HAD ALREADY PHONED IN A DYNAMIC PERFORMANCE ON CNN.>>LET’S TALK ABOUT INDIANA. THAT WILL BE THE BIG STAND FOR
THIS SO-CALLED ALLIANCE BETWEEN KASICH AND CRUZ. DO YOU HAVE THE ENERGY TO TAKE
THEM ON? YOU SOUND PRETTY BEAT THIS
MORNING?>>YEAH, NO, I’M NOT BEAT. I DID GET UP A LITTLE BIT EARLY
TO DO YOUR SHOW. I WANTED– YOU KNOW, YOU ASKED
ME TO DO IT, AND I’M DOING IT.>>Stephen: SLEEPY OR NOT,
THAT DOES SUM UP HIS VISION OF LEADERSHIP– TRUMP 2016: YOU
ASKED ME TO DO IT AND I’M DOING IT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? HELLO? ( APPLAUSE )
IF THAT IS DONALD TRUMP AT HIS MOST PRESIDENTIAL, I, FOR ONE,
LOOK FORWARD TO HIS INAUGURAL.>>HELLO? AM I ON? I DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR ALL THE
STUFF, GONNA UP HOLD IT ALL. MALANIA, I SAID NO SMOOTHIES
DURING INAUGURATION!