The President Was So Presidential on President’s Day


OF COURSE TODAY WAS PRESIDENT’S
DAY AND WHEN YOU CONSIDER WHO THE PRESIDENT IS, IT MAKES
ABSOLUTE SENSE, AND THIS IS TRUE, THAT IT WAS ALSO NATIONAL
DRINK WINE DAY. (LAUGHTER)
NOT A COINCIDENCE, I DON’T THINK. IN AN INTERVIEW, I DON’T KNOW IF
YOU SAW, THIS AN INTERVIEW THAT AIRED LAST NIGHT ON “60
MINUTES,” FORMER DEPUTY DIRECTOR OF THE FBI ANDREW McCABE
CONFIRMED A PREVIOUS REPORT THAT THERE WERE ONCE HIGH LEVEL
DISCUSSIONS ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF REMOVING
PRESIDENT TRUMP FROM OFFICE. THE PLAN WAS TO LURE TRUMP OUT
OF THE WHITE HOUSE WITH A TRAIL OF FRENCH FRIES. (LAUGHTER)
I MEAN THIS– (APPLAUSE)
THIS WHOLE STORY JUST FEELS CRUEL TO ME. THEY HAD HIGH LEVEL DISCUSSIONS
ABOUT REMOVING TRUMP FROM THE WHITE HOUSE. THIS IS LIKE A NEWS STORY ABOUT
HOW YOU ALMOST WON THE LOTTERY. (LAUGHTER)
YOU KNOW, ITS– MOVING ON, ON SATURDAY THE BRITISH AIRLINES
FLY BMI LEFT HUNDREDS OF ITS PASSENGERS STRANDED AT AIRPORTS
ALL OVER EUROPE AFTER ABRUPTLY WENT OUT OF BIG. YEAH, THE WHOLE THING FOLDED AND
THE AIRLINE SAID THEY WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ARRANGE ALTERNATIVE
FLIGHTS SO ALL OF THE PASSENGERS WERE JUST LEFT ON THEIR OWN. IT WAS PRETTY SUDDEN. A VOICE JUST CAME OVER THE
INTERCOME AND ANNOUNCED GAD AFTERNOON, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN LEAVING. NOW HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WERE JUST
LEFT STUCK AT THE AIRPORT, ALTHOUGH IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE
STRANDED SOMEWHERE, AT LEAST ITS’ IN A PLACE WHERE ST
SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO EAT A CINNABON WITH A MARGARITA, IT
COULD BE WORSE. WHEN I GO BANKRUPT IN EUROPE,
APPARENTLY YOU QUIT DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING, THAT’S IT, DONE. HERE YOU GO BANKRUPT FIVE MORE
TIMES. YOU BECOME THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES. (APPLAUSE)
AND WE THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING. A WOMAN IN ENGLAND WAS SEARCHING
A FARM WITH A METAL DETECTOR WHEN SHE FOUND WHAT SHE THOUGHT
WAS A FOIL-WRAPPED CHOCOLATE COIN ONLY TO FIND OUT LATE THARY
IT IS A 1500 YEAR OLD SOLID GOLD PENDANT WORTH A FORTUNE, YEAH,
UNBELIEVABLE TO GET THAT CLOSE TO FINDING CHOCOLATE ONLY TO BE
DISAPPOINTED. IT IS A REAL BUMMER. SHE COULDN’T PLEEF IT WAS REAL
ALTHOUGH SHE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WASN’T A CHOCOLATE
COIN WHEN SHE FOUND IT USING A METAL DETECTER. A GIVEAWAY. AND FINALLY AN ENT
TRIEN– ENTERPRISING GIRL SCOUT WENT VIERL FOR SELLING HER
COOKES INSELF HE SAMORA SHE IS SELLING JASON MOMOAS SAMOAS IN A
BOX THAT SHE CREATED. LOOK AT THAT. I ATE A FEW BOXES OF THESE AFTER
WHAT I SAW HE LOOKED LIKE. I GOT TO SAY, IT FEELS LIKE
FALSE ADVERTISING, IT DOES. UNFORTUNATELY, THE GIRL ISN’T
HAVING QUITE AS MUCH SUCCESS WITH HER SEXY CLINT EAST WOOD
THEMED COOKIES, THIN CLINTS.