The Time Zack Morris Got His Best Friend Scheduled For Dissection By The Government

The Time Zack Morris Got His Best Friend Scheduled For Dissection By The Government


♪ Zack Morris Is Trash ♪ (Bell Ringing) – Zack Morris is the writer/director
of a bad student film. He’s abusing his power and
harassing his crew for fun. Slater politely thanks Belding
for the new school camera. He tells them to be careful because it took two
years to save up for it. Zack lies and says it’s in good hands. Zack’s alien invader
C-movie is hot garbage. Atrocious writing, laughable costumes. Not even Kelly can save it. Zack has no control over his actors and Screech chips a tooth ad-libbing. Zack throws a hissy fit, unprofessional, and breaks the camera
he swore he’d protect. Jessie is furious. She’s student president, And a broken camera on her watch will shatter her reputation. Kelly suggests buying a replacement, but the gang is $1,100 short. Zack says they should do
the responsible thing here and blame Jessie. Screech is reading a tabloid about a man getting abducted by bees. Zack says this shady paper will pay $1,500 for a picture of an alien, enough for a new camera! This gives Zack a great idea. Jessie is wearing a disguise at school in anticipation of Zack framing her for property destruction. Zack blows her cover. Belding wants to know where the camera is. Zack pulls a new one out of his ass. I mean bag. I mean ass. Slater can’t believe the tabloid
bought Screech as an alien! A man in a cheap jacket says
he has some questions for Zack. Zack says he must be from the newspaper! Uh, yeah, sure, newspaper. He says if Zack can arrange
a meeting with an alien he’ll pay $10,000 dollars. This gives Zack a greed boner. Zack wants a moment of privacy to discuss his greedyrection. Jessie says they already got lucky once. Why push it? Kelly says he’ll never
believe Screech is an alien. Zack says this rube will believe anything, then tells the sucker
to get the money ready because the alien meeting is on. “Lieutenant Thompson” reports back to base. Screech got his tooth filled, and now his skull picks up radio stations. It’s fun for a second,
then never-ending misery. Zack tells Screech to go along
with his intergalactic fraud, tempting him with all
the life-changing things he can do with his share of the loot, a grand total of $1,600. Lieutenant Thompson tells Belding he’s undercover from the Air Force investigating an alien
seen by Zack Morris. Belding laughs but still leaves him with Zack’s huge file to cooperate. Screech comes in to drop
off his dentist note. The lieutenant hears strange noises coming from his mouth
and interrogates him, causing Screech to run for his life. Screech is nervous, but Zack tells him to relax. What could possibly go
wrong tricking a stranger who showed no ID offering
five-figure cash to meet an alien? Then Zack has everybody’s
favorite magic waiter do some out-of-this-world tricks! Just kidding, they suck. Zack says this bad magic is a good start, but they need more bad magic. Harry Houdiner has some ideas. Zack breaks into school to
put on a stupid magic show that’s mostly just fog and
Screech in his bad costume. Mr. Thompson’s buying it until Screech’s cheap getup falls apart. He hears the radio coming
from Screech’s mouth, recognizes him, and the jig is up. Mr. Thompson wants to know who these kids think they’re fooling. Screech says he’s not a kid. He’s Zorch. Then rips off his face mask
to reveal an alien mask. Mr. Thompson says he knew he was actually an alien this whole time, while Zack smugly
celebrates behind his back. He says once they get
Zorch back to Washington, everyone’s getting a medal. But when Zack mentions that 10 grand, he says “We’ll see”. “That’s up to Uncle Sam.” Because Mr. Thompson is in the Air Force. And he’s taking this creature
in for immediate dissection. Screech runs for his life
for the second time that day. Screech is up late typing his will. Zack tells him to keep it down and he’ll have this whole dissection thing straightened out by tomorrow, probably, once he squares away those 10 g’s. Screech says his prayers before bed, visibly annoying Zack as he
talks to God about dying. Mr. Belding thinks the idea that Screech is an alien is preposterous. Mr. Thompson says
Belding is just covering, and unless he wants to
mess with the government, he better produce that
alien by three o’clock. Belding is anxious, but Zack assures him this plan to save his friend’s life is solid. Screech emerges from the
locker Zack stuffed him in. Mr. Thompson says he’s not falling for Screech’s human mask again. Then Zack has everyone in school spook Mr. Thompson with
very bad Screech masks to say they’re all aliens? A plan that makes zero sense, because these masks look fake as hell, and Zack and Belding put theirs on in front of Mr. Thompson. And all they had to do was have Screech show Mr. Thompson the alien mask, which he does, which gets
rid of him right away, so seriously, what the fuck was the point of all these masks? Zack says Mr. Thompson
will be back in a minute because he pickpocketed his car keys in case his zero-sense mask plan failed. Only Mr. Thompson doesn’t come back. We never see him ever again, because the shame of returning to D.C. after being duped by a teenage sociopath was too much to handle and he probably fucking killed himself. Let’s review. Zack Morris lost control of
his terrible student film, breaking a valuable piece
of school equipment, and forcing his friend to get oral surgery that put radio waves in his brain. Then sold a picture of that friend as an alien to buy a replacement camera. Then believed a man in a cheap jacket really had $10,000 dollars to spend on an E.T. meet and greet. And relying on magic tricks
from a cheeseburger waiter, attempted to trick him with
a mask on top of a mask, which bought his best
friend a one-way ticket to a government dissection table. And instead of coming clean right away, he needed a night to think about a way to maybe still get that $10,000 while his friend was grappling with dying. Then got the principal implicated in his government deception, along with the entire student body, with a plan that made
absolutely zero sense when his best friend’s
life was on the line. Zack Morris is trash. ♪ Zack Morris Is Trash ♪ (Bell Ringing)